BY PRIMROSE GURA- He was tall, dark and very handsome I should say. The day I sat my eyes on him I was almost certain that he was the one. It did not take long for him to return the favor of asking me to be his girlfriend. It was not only his looks that made me so drawn to him. But it was him all of him, his kindness, his humility, his sense of humour. For a while you would think there was nothing wrong with him, he was just perfect.
What I felt for him words could not explain. I felt safe, confident, bold and beautiful .I could be myself around him, laugh until I could not breathe. I found myself reading tips on the internet on how you would know that he is the one and everything I read pointed to him .I was so certain that he was the one. There was no doubt. That feeling that most people tell you about, its true I felt it .I would already imagine myself married to him with our two kids whom we had already given names .I had reason to wake up in the morning smiling because I was happily taken by the man of my dreams .
Hours on a phone call. Late night texts, yes all those things we always dream about, I had them. He was my “number one fan” they always say. He became my support system when I felt down. We fought, just like any other couple. He would make me realize my mistakes in a way that was not offensive, what more could a woman ask for. I had no doubt that he was the one, my love, my soul mate ,my long awaited price charming. I am a woman with pride and apologizing has been something I struggle with but with him I never thought twice to submit. After all he was worth the trouble. I was willing to do anything to keep him. I had reason to let my guard down, be vulnerable to him. At that moment I was not looking at negative outcomes because it was far-fetched.
I could already see myself in a wedding gown walking down the aisle and ready to say yes. I found myself going through wedding catalogues. My friends were definitely jealous I even got to be the go to girl for relationship advice. Little did I know that it was just the beginning of a nightmare?
It all began with a late reply. Then I said to myself its normal…or maybe did I do something to upset him. I replayed over and over again how the events had played out last time I talked to him but there was nothing out of the ordinary. We had had a lovely lunch date. Deep down I knew very well that something was wrong. I picked up my phone and called no answer .I went on my phone straight to my whatsapp and guess what he didn’t bother freezing his last seen he was online. I got confused hurt and the next morning I woke up to a text I will never forget I still can recite it as if it was yesterday
The text read: Morning……sorry you had to wake up to this text but I needed to do this before I wasted any more of your time. You are a great but not for me. Believe me there is nothing wrong with you I just don’t feel the same anymore. I love you enough to let you go. I’m sorry but I had to do this you deserve better. I hope you find the one because I don’t think I am the one…..
He was the one, I mean he was supposed to be the one .All those things you read about I felt them, and I saw them. We were over. He could not say it himself. That’s another story for another day.
This has brought so many questions about finding your soul mate. There is no correct equation for finding them. You can only hope that you find them not their clone. Their clone is as good as them but the only difference is they will swallow you and spit you out like poison. We as women are so concerned about finding the one and we forget to self introspect. Finding the one can be the easy part but being the one is like playing cards you can win or lose. If you want to find the one you should be willing to take all risks. I have read so many books and so many articles about discovering your soulmate. The truth is there is no correct answer equation to all this.
You never know you might find the one. But this takes courage. A lot of women have become fearful of taking steps towards discovering the one because they have lost their luck in the past. Past relationships have made them question themselves, get all insecure and lose confidence because they are not sure if they are the one. Well finding the one is not an easy task. If it was so easy the world would be a perfect place. We need to take the courage to learn from our past mistakes and have courage to give love a chance . Doubt, insecurity quickly builds because of hurt. Finding the one is a process not an event. You need to embrace all of the hard work and pain that comes with it. This way you learn to be strong and accept failure and embrace hurt, grieve your loss but at the end you need to pick yourself up and continue with your process.
This is not simple as that. In order to take this journey you need to have confidence in yourself, know your worth, be willing to let go of things that don’t bring positivity. This way you are able to take chances on love and learn from the mistakes you have made in life.You will never know until you try.
These are some of the tips for women who want to start the journey of finding the one:
Are you happy about as an individual?…..Take time to find yourself, spend time with yourself, do things that make you build confidence in yourself. Confidence in you is everything. In the midst of chaos you will always find yourself. Yes you will get hurt but you will always rise. Create a circle of positivity around you. Anything that makes you question your worth, let it go.
Have you healed from your past encounter?
We take healing for granted sometimes. We quickly want to forget the pain by quickly jumping on to the next ride. This is why we bring insecurities to new relationships because we did not take time to reflect and understand why we were at that position in the first place. This is a moment to learn from the mistakes we have made and be better people for the next journey. Heal before you start bleeding on people that did not cut you.
Are you emotionally prepared?…are you prepared to lay all your cards on the table. Finding the one needs you to be emotionally available. As risky as that sounds it’s the only way you can appreciate and embrace real emotions. Being able to do this is strength, the ability to be vulnerable to another individual and letting them have full access of your emotions is great, scary step but if it works it’s worth it. It has become very scarce lately. People are guarded because they have been hurt in the past.
Fall in love with yourself before you think about finding the one. Because no one will love you like you do……..