BY RIMROSE GURA – I could tell by the look that he gave me that whatever was about to come out of his mouth was going to hurt. He looked disgusted and angry, I could feel the tension building up. I knew exactly how it was going to play out because it was not the first time. My eyes were glued to the door and my head was calculating how many steps it would take me to escape the horror that was about to happen in that small room. Before I could take action, I remember a sharp pain hitting my cheeks and I could feel his shaking fingers on my face. It didn’t take long tears were rushing down my face. It only took the first slap for me to realise how much danger I was in. I knew I would not be able to fight back because I could see the fire in his eyes and I was certain that day I was going to end up dead.
I remembered my family, my siblings, my nieces and nephews and said little prayers in my head. Somehow there was a voice at the back of my head that kept telling me to fight. I could no longer feel the punches and the kicks because my body was numb not because I didn’t feel the pain but because I was used to it. I was not going to let my own mother bury me…. so yes I had to fight. I promised myself that if I got another chance to escape I would not come back. I had reached my breaking point.
I remember trying to get up but the pain was excruciating. That didn’t stop me from taking the chance. I got hold of his leg, he lost balance and fell. I knew those few seconds were to determine whether I lived or died. I remember jumping with all the strength that was left in me and charging for the door .Opening that door was like my long awaited paradise…but why was I trapped for so long.
It’s easy to tell someone who is in an abusive relationship to get out and leave but the truth is it takes courage to make that bold step. Most women are failing to leave their partners and no matter how stupid and pathetic it may seem to the outside world . It’s not the pain that they feel but sometimes the trauma that forces them to feel responsible. Women in these situations can be compared to victims of drug abuse, unless and until they a
reach a breaking point they can continuously relapse. The main worry is why such women are stuck in toxic relationships.
Financial dependence causes most women to die in the hands of abusers. Women fear poverty more than death. They live through the pain and hurt because they feel they have no choice. For women with children it’s even worse because they fear for their children’s provision and somehow turn a blind eye to the emotional abuse their children are experiencing. Financial stability is needed even if it comes at a cost.
Gender based violence(gbv) is a physical abuse as much as it is emotional abuse. Victims of GBV are emotionally broken. Perpetrators accuse and harass victims continuously who cause them to have guilt and sometimes blame themselves for being abused .This can be noticed in statements like “I made him angry,” I deserved it “. This shows the depth of the emotional damage that has affected these women. They feel responsible to change their partners for the better by loving them more. But is it love or fear?
Women feel worthless, this is caused by continuous attacks from their abusers. They continuously attack their character and looks. They make them feel trapped. This can be witnessed in statements like “you are worthless, no one will love you like me, your family does not like you”. Insecurities build up and staying with the abuser seems to be a better option. The use of violence makes victims fearful of their partners. The threat of being harmed is a powerful emotional manipulation which can keep women trapped. Women are scared of leaving because of the physical threat their abuser poses. This becomes a factor that traps most women because they fear what will happen to them and their children.
Abusers can use the isolation to trap their partners. This is whereby victims are separated from families. This is done through cutting communication ties with relatives. They can also do this by controlling their social life. Hence, women feel helpless and continue to tolerate mistreatment as they feel there is no help nearby.
With the numbers of GBV cases increasing it’s easier to say that one is or knows a victim of GBV. It is the duty of everyone to make the world a better place.Women and men are equally responsible for stopping gbv.
Contact MUSASA 08080074 to report Gender Based Violence.